


Starbucks Holiday Cup

by tprillahfiction



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angry Sex, Bathroom Sex, Christmas fic, Crack, Crack Fic, Farce, First Time, Humor, I'm With Her, K/S Advent Calendar, Kirk/Spock Advent Calendar, M/M, Make America Great Again, Merry Christmas, Modern Day, PWP, Political Satire, Politics, Starbucks, Strangers to Lovers, happy holidays, holiday fic, kirk/spock - Freeform, lighthearted political satire, modern day AU, sex in a public place
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 14:10:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8755606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tprillahfiction/pseuds/tprillahfiction
Summary: On election day, in a line at Starbucks, a conservative Trump voter and a liberal Hillary Clinton voter clash over a Starbucks Holiday Cup and politics.  They eventually take out their aggressions on each other in the Starbucks restroom.  Star Trek Reboot.  Modern Day AUA farce/crackfic, holiday, lighthearted satirical fic, featuring sex in a public bathroom.Written for K/S Advent 2016 on live journal. Artwork at the end.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a crack-fic.

**STARBUCKS HOLIDAY CUP**

 

_Election day. San Francisco, CA. 2016._

Jim fixed the hat upon his head, glancing at his reflection in the rear view mirror. He ruffled his hair for good measure, straightened his tee-shirt, put on his jacket. “Perfect,” he muttered to himself. He got out of his car, shut the door and locked it. He headed inside Starbucks.

Inside, ‘The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy’ was blasting on the speakers. The place was crowded. He walked past the Christmas Tree display and got into the long line.

A few moments later, Jim sensed somebody behind him. He turned, noticed the guy. Tall, lanky, a serious expression on the face, black bangs peeking out underneath a blue knitted hat. The man wore a 'Hillary' tee shirt along with an: 'I’m With Her' button prominently placed. The man glanced at Jim’s own attire: A 'Make America Great Again' trucker hat and a red 'Trump/Pence' shirt. The man raised an eyebrow at him, then glanced away.

Jim smirked and turned back around. He whistled to the music then got bored of that then started talking out loud to nobody in particular: “Wow. Huh. It’s election day, today. Just came from the polling place. Glad I made it before they closed. I sure can’t wait for Hil-LIAR-ry to get soundly defeated!”

The man, the Hillary Clinton supporter behind him, cleared his throat.

Jim turned his head. “Oh sorry, was my microphone on?”

The Hillary supporter eyed him stony faced, blinking at him with those huge lashes. Obviously not taking the bait.

Jim continued: “I mean, like the future president says, the election is rigged so Hil-LIAR-ry will probably win the election, and then we conservatives are gonna revolt…” Jim broke off and turned. Still the Hillary supporter guy wouldn’t respond to the taunt. The Hillary supporter pulled out his iphone and stared down at it, clicking on an app, ignoring him.

Jim sighed and turned around and kept on muttering: “Damn libs. Can’t stand ‘em. Their damned social programs, love and acceptance of everyone, free college, socialized medicine and progressiveness. Who needs it. Next thing you know, pot will be legal in the state of California.”

The Hillary supporter behind him sighed but still said nothing.

Jim smirked. He turned and noticed there was a--"Is that a 'Hillary' tattoo?" Sure looked like it with the distinctive 'H' with the arrow through it inked onto the Hillary supporter's bicep. "Wow, you're pretty hard core. A hard core idiot!" Jim laughed. The Hillary supporter still ignored him. Typing on his iPhone.

On the loudspeaker, another song came on: “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.” Jim sang along obnoxiously to the music: “It’s BEGINNING to look a lot like CHRISTMASSSS!” He stopped singing and ranted: Yes, ‘Christmas’! Not ‘Happy Holidays’! That doesn’t even sound right, ‘it’s beginning to look a lot of like Happy Holidays’? It doesn’t even sound right. It’s a disaster. What the hell?”

Another sigh from behind him. But no response.

Finally Jim reached the front counter.

“Hi, what are you having?” the Starbucks barista said, eyeing his red hat and Trump tee-shirt.

“Grande eggnog latte with whipped cream,” Jim proclaimed.

“Great, nice choice. What name on the cup?”

“Trump!” Jim said.

“Trump?” the barista said. “Uh…that’s…that’s not your name.”

“No seriously, my name is ‘Trump!’ Put it on the cup!” Jim demanded. “I told you my name, you have to write it on the cup!”

“Uh…” the barista said. “That’s not your name. I can’t write that…like seriously man…what’s your real name?”

“Trump!” Jim said.

The Hillary supporter behind him piped up in a very annoyed tone: “You cannot put ‘Trump’ on your cup, sir.”

“Yes I can!” Jim said.

“Pick another name,” the Hillary supporter behind him hissed.

“Fine! Write ‘Merry Christmas!’ on the cup,” Jim ordered the barista.

The barista rolled his eyes. “That’s not your name, either, man.”

“Yes it is! Would you like to see my ID? Here, I’ll show you! Unlike the voter polls where I didn’t have to show any ID in the state of California and anybody can just waltz right in there and vote. Even space aliens.”

“Space aliens?” the barista said.

“Space aliens, especially!” Jim sputtered. “I bet two million votes for Hillary will be from dead people and space aliens.”

“Right,” the barista said. “Look, man, I don’t want to see ID and I’m not putting ‘Merry Christmas’ on the cup. Sorry.”

“Hey asshole!” another guy further back in line yelled. “Move it along or else! I don't have all fucking day!”

Jim glanced over, noticed how big (bigly) the guy was, he looked back at the barista and said meekly: “Jim.”

“Great, that was easy!” The barista wrote it on the cup. Jim paid for his drink and moved to the other side. He watched as the Hillary supporter ordered his drink.

“Name?” the barista asked, eyeing the man’s button and tee-shirt. “I suppose you want ‘Hillary’ on your cup.”

“Nonsense,” the man said calmly. “I am not a barbarian. My name is ‘Spock’.” Spock paid for his drink and went to stand next to Jim.

Above them the TV news showed a map of America. The election results hadn’t come in yet.

Jim tapped his foot and glanced over. Spock ignored him. Pointedly.

“Wonder what kind of Christmas cups they’re giving out this year?” Jim said. “Man…last years cup was a disaster. All red with no Christmas designs on it. A disaster!”

“Funny,” Spock said. “‘Disaster’, that word appears to also be your dear leader’s favorite description of everything. Spoken like a true Trump parrot.”

“Those cups last year sure violated the meaning of Christmas! I was insulted by Starbucks’ war on Christmas! How dare they give out plain red cups?”

“If you are so insulted, why are you giving Starbucks your money?” Spock asked. “Why not boycott the establishment? To continue patronizing the establishment when they clash with your views, seems quite illogical.”

“Because! I…” Jim pursed his lips. “I love Starbucks coffee. It’s my favorite.”

“Ah.”

“But I won’t let Starbucks attack Christmas! I hate when they wish me a ‘Happy Holidays’ It’s insulting!”

“There are other holidays in December besides Christmas.”

“Oh yeah? Name one!”

“That is quite easy. Chanukah.”

Jim’s mouth moved into an oval. “Oh yeah, I forgot about Chanukah.”

“We are used to our holidays being overlooked, this being a predominately Christian nation,” Spock said with a shrug. “However there are many others who are not like you. What you Trump supporters seem to forget that there is Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.”

“Are you Jewish?”

“I am. Do you have a problem with that?” Spock said. “I am well aware that you Trump voters are rather anti-semitic.”

Jim hesitated. “No…I… no. Jewish guys are okay.”

“Excellent, I am gratified you approve. Or perhaps you might wish to build a wall around me, as well.”

“Uh...no…” Jim shifted. “It’s uh…only…uh….”

“I am well aware of who,” Spock said curtly then turned to watch the TV, ignoring him once more.

“Eggnog latte!” the barista at the pickup counter yelled out.

“That’s me!” Jim lunged for the counter. Spock followed on his heels.

“Green cups?” Jim yelled as the barista held it out. “That’s definitely an attack on Christmas!”

“It’s our unity cup. The human figures are drawn with a single line, signifying we are all one.”

"Fascinating. An excellent piece of artwork," Spock said, "with an encouraging message."

“Gross,” Jim said. He grabbed the drink.

“Excuse me,” Spock said. “I ordered an Eggnog Latte. I believe this drink is mine.” He grabbed it out of Jim’s hand.

Jim grabbed it back. “I ordered an Eggnog Latte! It’s mine.”

“It is not.”

“It is!”

“I beg to differ.”

“Well, mine should have ‘Jim’ written on it.”

“Mine will have ‘Spock’ on it.”

They looked at the barista to settle things.

“It says ‘Happy Holidays’ on it. Right there!” the barista said with a smile.

“WHAT?” Jim sputtered. ’Happy Holidays’? How dare you! Starbucks wants to wage war on Christmas!”

“There’s more holidays in December besides Christmas, man,” the barista replied, eyeing Jim’s red trucker hat. “If you’re gonna be a hassle, you’re gonna have to leave.”

“What?” Jim said. “Me?”

“You, man. You don’t like ‘Happy Holidays’ then get out.” The barista pointed towards the door. “Don’t let it hit ya in the ass.”

“I can’t believe a Starbucks barista is talking to me like this! Where’s the manager?”

“I’m the manager,” the barista said.

“I will handle the Trump troll,” Spock told the barista. “I shall talk to him and attempt to calm him down.”

“Good luck.” The barista shrugged and walked off.

Jim fumed. “Starbucks is waging war on Christmas. I don’t like it.”

Spock shook his head. “Your claim is ridiculous. As I and the barista had informed you, Christmas is not the only holiday in December. Wishing someone Merry Christmas is exclusionary. I think you should cease being such a fascist.”

“You know what I find ridiculous? You! You…the liberal Hillary Clinton voter. Embracing all the holidays in December! What’s your problem, man? Why vote for Hil-LIAR-ry? Her emails? Have you every asked your girlfriend about Bengazi? What about Bengazi, huh? What about Bengazi, Hillary?”

“Trump does not pay his taxes,” Spock shot back. “Nor release his tax returns like every other presidential candidate has in the past. Why not? What is he hiding?”

“Crooked Hillary!”

“Trump is a xenophobe, racist, anti-semite, fraudster, misogynist, meglomaniac, narcissist and a demagogue. Trump wishes to be dictator rather than president. He wants to build a ridiculous wall between us and Mexico, he is a horrible—”

“What about Hillary’s foundation?”

“Trump University. Need I say more?”

“Well…Hillary’s a…liberal!”

“What about Trump’s tiny hands? Tiny hands ergo tiny penis.”

Jim’s eyes widened. “That’s fighting words, Lib! I should kick your ass!”

“Why so it is, Conservative sheep,” Spock replied. “Perhaps we should engage in a brawl. Physically.”

“Typical Hillary voter! You can’t take me.”

“I can, I assure you.”

“Where?”

“The restroom.”

“The restroom? Here? In Starbucks?”

“Indeed.” Spock grabbed Jim’s arm, holding on to him tightly. Jim held onto the Latte cup.

“Lying Hillary!” Jim seethed. "Lock her up!"

“Your dear leader is a ‘pussy’ grabbing, despot!” Spock hissed. “You trump supporters are deplorable.”

“That’s what that lying Hillary called us! You're just a sheep, repeating her words!”

“She is quite correct!”

Spock shoved Jim towards the restroom among stares from the other patrons, but nobody else got involved.

“Hey, wait a minute, what about your eggnog latte?” Jim asked.

“I will collect my latte from your cold hands, after I am finished with you.”

“You can’t fucking take me, asshole,” Jim hissed.

“Watch me,” Spock informed him.

"MAGA!" Jim yelled out. "MAGA!"

"What?" Spock said. "What is 'MAGA'?"

"It stands for: 'Make America Great Again'," Jim said.

"America is ALREADY great, you oaf," Spock said. They made it to the restroom door. Spock tried the handle. It was locked.

“Oh dammit,” Jim said.

“We shall have to wait.”

They both sighed and waited. And waited. And waited.

Jim scratched the scruff on his face. “What are they doing in there?”

“Hopefully only urinating.”

They sighed. And waited. And waited some more.

“Maybe we should knock.”

Finally the door opened, a guy walked out. Jim nodded at him, the guy noted Jim's red hat and tee-shirt and gave him the stink eye.

Spock pushed Jim inside the bathroom, shut and locked the door. “You are not very popular around here, are you.”

“Hey, I don’t mind being the only sensible one in a sea of Lib-turds.” Jim set down his latte and put up his fists.

Spock raised his eyebrow. He shoved Jim against the wall. Jim hit the tiles with an ‘oof'.

“Do Trump voters use condoms?” Spock asked.

Jim turned and stared at Spock’s bow shaped lips then up into those dark eyes, caught the lustful gaze in them. “God yes.” Jim reached into his pocket.

“I have one,” Spock whispered, holding it up. “And lube. I must confess I have always wanted to fuck a Trump voter.” He leaned in to give Jim a kiss. “I wish to fuck the bigotry right out of you.”

“Fuck yes,” Jim said before they kissed again, violently.

They finally broke apart. Jim found he was hard as a rock. Spock undid the fastening on Jim’s jeans. Jim gulped and said: “I've wanted to fuck you too, I mean, I've always wanted fuck a Hillary voter…” Spock spun him around.

Spock motioned for Jim to pull his trousers and underwear as he did the same, the Hillary supporter unleashing a huge cock. "You Trump supporters make me--"

"Horny?" Jim finished.

"Capable of voicing unbelievable things and engaging in sexual acts in public places," Spock said. He lubed up a finger, shoved it into Jim's hole.

"Easy, man, easy! Can't expect you fucking Hillary voters to be any less violent. Your girlfriend pays people to disrupt Trump's rallies."

Spock withdrew his finger, lubed up his cock and shoved it into Jim. Jim let out a strangled cry. "Shhhh," Spock said, touching his face gently. "Take it, Trump lover."

"Fuck me, you fucking Hillary lover. Or maybe you're not man enough, you lib."

Spock fucked into him with a vigor that left Jim seeing stars. It had been a long time since he'd been fucked like that.

"Harder!" Jim whispered.

"Trump tweets more than I do... and that is saying something," Spock whispered into his ear with a grunt. "At three AM...what is wrong with the...man...." He thrust into Jim even harder. Jim gasped.

They came at the same time. Jim letting out a sharp cry, spraying his seed all over the wall and Spock hissing out, "You deplorable!" before emptying inside his condom.

* * *

Jim and Spock exited the restroom. Jim clutched the ‘Happy Holidays’ cup, the latte now cold. He tossed it into the trash can.

There was a guy at the pick-up counter asking the barista: “Yeah, uh, I was wondering where my drink was? I’ve been waiting a long time. It was an Eggnog Latte, the name on it was ‘Happy Holidays’.”

Sitting on the counter, was a cup with ‘Jim’ on it and a cup with ‘Spock’ on it. Jim and Spock both picked up their cups. Jim whistled innocently. They sat down at the table.

The election results were starting to come in. They stared at the TV.

The guy on the news said: “It looks as if Hillary has won New York!”

“Oh good,” Jim said.

Spock raised an eyebrow at him.

“Hillary has won California.”

“Oh yay!” Jim said.

Spock raised the other eyebrow.

But Trump was getting more electoral votes.

“Damn!” Jim hissed. “The orange cheeto is winning.”

Spock tilted his head.

Bones came rushing in, wearing his scrubs. Jim tried to hide from his best friend. But Bones noticed him anyway. “Hey Jim! Sorry I’m late. Just got off work.”

Bones sat down at the table, then did a double take. “Jim, what the fuck, man?”

“Huh?”

“Why are you wearing that Trump shit? You said you voted for Hillary!”

“Yeah, uh, Bones, I did.”

Spock met Jim’s eyes.

Spock stood up, walked over to Jim. He reached under Jim's red trump shirt and revealed a blue ‘I’m With Her’ shirt. His mouth opened. “Fascinating.”

“Yeah, uh…” Jim scrambled for an explanation. “I’m uh…actually a Democrat.”

“You are not a Trump supporter.”

“No,” Jim confessed. “I can’t stand the guy. I’m really with her.”

Bones reached over and knocked Jim’s trucker hat off. “You asshole.”

Jim stared into his latte, shame welling up in his gut.

“I surmise that you pretended to be a bigoted Trump supporter just to tittilate me,” Spock said.

“Well, I uh…I knew you had worked on the Hillary campaign and I wanted to engage with you,” Jim replied.

“Even though the attention I gave you was negative?”

“It only started out that way, didn’t it? But then in the bathroom…we…uh....Well, I did it to get you to notice me. I've seen you in here a million times and I--”

"I have never seen you in here before," Spock said.

"Precisely," Jim replied.

“Holy shit, Jim! Did you…pretend to be a Trump voter so you could get laid? Did you just—“ Bones burst out into hysterical laughter. “You are something else! That’s fucking classic!”

“I see,” Spock said. “You played me for a fool. Well, excuse me, Jim. I will take my leave of you.”

“Wait!” Jim said. “Don’t go, Spock! Please! We haven’t even seen the final results of the election yet.”

Spock pointed at the TV. On screen the headline was flashing: 'Trump wins'.

“Uhhh, man,” Jim said. “I can’t fucking believe it.”

“Oh my God,” Bones said. “Fuck!”

“Good evening, Gentlemen.” Spock nodded at them and left Starbucks.

“Wait, Spock, come on, I’m sorry! Wait.” Jim called after him to no avail.

“He won?!” Bones yelled out at the TV. “He fucking won? What the fuck! What the ever loving fuck? President Trump? No way. Fuck that shit.”

“Ugh,” Jim said. “Goddammit.”

“Fuck it, man, let’s go get a beer. Drown our sorrows.”

“Yeah,” Jim said, looking out the window.

* * *

Bones took a long swig of his Coors. “So where’d you fuck this guy?”

“In the bathroom.”

“At Starbucks?”

“Yeah. Yeah right before you got there.”

“Oh, Jesus. You picked the germyiest place ever to get laid. Why didn’t you take him home?”

“He wanted to do it in there. Germyiest isn’t even a word, you call yourself a physician? Plus he would have spotted my Hillary posters if I had taken him to my apartment.”

“Yeah, that’s true. But I uh, outed you. Sorry man.”

“S’ok.” Jim took a drink of his brandy. “I’ll probably never see him again, but goddamn was he ever hot. And I won’t ever be able to go into that particular Starbucks again. But it was so worth it.”

Bones glanced up at Trump giving his victory speech on the TV screen over the bar. He took a glum swig of his beer. “I can’t believe Trump fucking won.”

“Yeah man, I know.”

“Now we’ll have to use the lingo: ’Gonna be YUGE.’ and ‘bigly’ or ‘big league’ whatever the fuck he’s saying and: ‘You’re fired’.”

“And ‘China’,” Jim added.

“It’s pronounced ‘GINA’.”

Jim laughed in spite of things.

* * *

The next day, Jim came home from work. He went to his fridge, got a container of leftovers to heat up in the microwave when he heard a knock at the front door.

He opened it.

It was Spock.

Jim gasped. Wow. That was wierd. He didn’t recall telling the guy where he’d lived. He stood frozen in fear.

“Forgive my intrusion and if you send me away, I will understand.”

“Uh…yeah…uh….” Jim thought about it for a moment. “Come in. Fuck it, come in, man.”

“Thank you.”

Jim closed the door and walked him to the kitchen. “You want a beer?”

“No, thank you. I wished to apologize.”

“No, no, it’s me. It’s me who should apologize. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have tricked you like that. I was a jerk.”

“I could have appreciated the joke, a bit better. I should have known someone with eyes as compassionate as yours would never be a Trump bigot.”

“My eyes are compassionate?”

“Indeed.”

“Aww.” Jim smiled. “And yours always look so sad. Like a puppy dog.”

“It is the dark color.”

“How did you find out where I lived? Did Bones tell you?”

“No. I hacked into the local Democratic club’s files, it is on a private server.”

“Wow, hacking, that’s so…illegal!” Jim grinned. “You’re such a hell raiser aren’t you.” Jim pulled Spock into his bedroom.

"Indeed."

______  
end

Artwork by Hamnerd.  "It's Mine!"  


End file.
